


Midnight Screams

by WolfStar2018



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmare, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-03-27 13:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19014139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfStar2018/pseuds/WolfStar2018
Summary: This is only part one. If you like this one let me know and I'll post another one. Thanks for reading! It means a lot to me!





	1. Chapter One

“Bucky!”

Bucky woke up with a start. It only took him a second to realize Steve had practically screamed his name. He was very glad to have been startled out of his dream right then. He was dreaming about HYDRA torturing him again. He glanced over next to him to check on Steve and noticed the look on his face. Steve seemed to be having a nightmare. His face was pinched and he looked about ready to cry. His legs were twitching a bit, almost like he was trying to kick someone, or run. Bucky's heart twisted at the sight. He gently placed his hand on Steve's shoulder and Steve twitched a little. Bucky started rubbing Steve's shoulder gently and tried to get Steve to calm down but it seemed to be making it worse. Bucky started gently shaking Steve to wake him up. Steve startled awake with a gasp. When he saw Bucky his eyes got wide and he jumped out of the bed into a fighting stance.

“Steve? What's going on?”

Steve seemed to relax a tiny bit and looked around the room quickly. When he looked back at Bucky his eyes weren't as wide but he still looked scared. “You were killing me.” he whispered in a strangled, broken voice.

Bucky's heart dropped and his stomach flipped a few times. “Steve, I'm so sorry.” he whispered back. Bucky turned around and sat with his back facing Steve. The only reason the two were even sleeping in the same bed was because Steve said he couldn't sleep. Bucky thought maybe if they were sleeping in the same bed like they used to when they were kids. Now he realized how bad an idea that was. In reality Bucky had tried to kill Steve. On multiple occasions. So he decided to go to his own room. “Sorry,” he whispered as he got up and left.

In his own room Bucky laid down and started silently crying. He hated himself for hurting Steve. The fact that Steve was still scared of him broke him more than he was willing to admit out loud. He barely wanted to admit it to himself. But he was broken. He covered his head with his pillow and his shoulders started heaving with the silent sobs. He didn't blame Steve at all. He blamed HYDRA. But he knew he was the one who had hurt Steve and tried to kill him.

After what felt like an hour but was probably only about 15 minutes Bucky felt the bed behind him dip a little. He tried to ignore it but then Steve was wrapping his arms around Bucky. Bucky tried to calm his sobbing but couldn't. Steve started whispering in his hear about how he was sorry he upset Bucky and it made it worse. Bucky couldn't believe Steve was apologizing.

“I'm the monster Steve!” he finally sobbed out loud. “I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for-”

Steve suddenly sat up. “Bucky, I'm not mad you.”

“You should be. I know you're still scared of me. I'm a monster Steve. Just go back to your bed. I'll be fine.”

“No.”

Bucky sat up to look at Steve. “What?”

“Buck, you're my best friend. I'm not leaving you when you need me.” Steve's eyes started watering a bit, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you about the dream. You startled me. I'm still getting used to you being back. I missed you. I cried so much. Tried to get drunk more than once after you fell. I hated myself for letting you...” Steve's voice broke and the tears started falling, but Steve continued in a whisper, “I love you, Buck. And I know you probably can't love me back, not in the same way. But I need to tell you.”

Bucky sat quietly for a minute processing what Steve just told him. Then he asked quietly, hopefully, “Even after all I've done you still love me?”

“More than I can say.” Steve said.

Bucky looked into Steve's eyes and saw the honesty in them. He felt the tears roll down his face again and Steve reached up to caress his cheeks and wipe away the tears. Bucky reached up to rub the tears off Steve's face as well. “I'm in love with you too.”

Steve's smile stretched across his whole face and Bucky couldn't help but smile at the beautiful man before him. Bucky softly asked “Do you wanna snuggle again?”

“Only if you're still okay with being the big spoon.” Steve said with a smirk.

Bucky smiled and they both lay down in his bed. “I love you so much Stevie.” he whispered into Steve's ear as he pulled the man closer to him.


	2. Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning: this mentions Vormir. Please don't hate me. I love you guys for reading my stuff....

Steve and Bucky had to go to Vormir to get the soul stone. So here they are standing at the edge of the cliff staring at each other. Arguing about who has to go. Neither would admit but they couldn't stand the thought of a world without the other man in it.

“Steve, just stop.”

“Bucky, I won't let you do this.”

“Steve, your team needs you. The world needs you.” Bucky turned and jumped after he said that. Steve reacted quickly and grabbed Bucky's metal arm. Steve was trying so hard not to scream at Bucky. But suddenly Bucky was falling and all Steve could do was scream and clutch onto Bucky's metal arm still in his grasp.

“Bucky! No!!” Steve screamed and then he couldn't stop screaming. Sobbing Bucky's name over and over.

Suddenly Steve woke up in his own bed. He was still shaking so he rolled over to hug Bucky to reassure himself Bucky was okay. Only Bucky's side of the bed was empty and cold. Steve couldn't help the sob that was ripped out of him when he realized Bucky was gone. He thought it was dream. He woke up in his bed. Wasn't he dreaming? Was it a dream of actual events? Why was Steve so confused? His heart ached and he couldn't think straight.

“Stevie? What's wrong?” Bucky was suddenly right outside the bedroom. When did he get there? Steve thinks he doesn't really give a shit as he launches himself out of bed and into Bucky's arms. Bucky just barely manages to keep them both from tumbling to the floor. “Steve, honey. Talk to me. Please?”

“We were on Vormir. I watched you fall again. And when I woke up you weren't there and I couldn't breath.” Steve whispered through his sobs. He was still shaking and having a hard time breathing; he was also itchy all over and couldn't get his thoughts straight. Is this what a panic attack feels like? Steve thinks he might be having a panic attack but looks up into Bucky's beautiful brown eyes and immediately starts to calm back down. It helps that Bucky is still holding him and rubbing his back. Just like when Steve used to panic or have asthma attacks when they were younger. Bucky still looks worried and sad even though Steve is finally calming down now.

“I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I just went to get some water. I'm not gonna leave you, Baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you woke up.”

“Clint finally went into detail about Vormir and I just kept thinking, 'thank God it wasn't you and me in that position'. I felt so awful and now this...”

“Steve, you've already watched me fall from a cliff. You don't think that has something to do with it?” Bucky asked as he led Steve back to the bed. He positioned them so Steve's head was on Bucky's right shoulder and wrapped his arms as tight as he could. He remembered something Pepper told him about grounding a person when they were panicking and was hoping it would help Steve. It seemed to be working right now. Steve's breathing was calming down and he wasn't shaking as badly.

“Of course, Buck,” Steve was saying now, “I realize why it hurts so much when I have these dreams. Doesn't make them hurt any less.”

Bucky stiffened and squeezed Steve a little tighter. “Wait, dreams plural? You've had similar dreams?”

“Yes. Since you fell. I watched you fall every night after the train. They started up again when I thawed. I didn't sleep well for a while. I threw myself into SHIELD and The Avengers hoping I could ignore the pain. It worked for a while. I worked myself to exhaustion so often Pepper told me I was as bad as Tony. But I still had them on occasion.”

“Why didn't you mention it before?”

“I didn't want you to worry. And I thought I was getting better. They haven't been as frequent or as intense lately.”

“I'd say this one was pretty intense, babe.” Bucky whispered as he kissed Steve's head.

“I know, Buck. I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to worry about me.” Steve nuzzled his face into the crook between Bucky's shoulder and neck to kiss the skin there.

“Babe, it's my job to worry about you. Has been since we met remember?”

“How could I forget? My knight in shining armor rescuing me from the bad guys even back in grade school.” Steve said with a smirk.

“Go to sleep you punk. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise.” Bucky whispered and kissed Steve's head again.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve found that playing certain video games was actually pretty relaxing so that's what he found himself doing one night. He's playing through Pokemon HeartGold and suddenly he hears a heart wrenching cry from the bedroom.

 

“No! Please no! Steve!” And Steve is up and running to the bedroom. When he gets there Bucky is still sleeping but thrashing around and there are tears on his face and pillow.

“Buck, wake up. It's okay.” Steve says calmly as he sits on the bed next to Bucky. “Bucky, baby, I'm right here.”

“Please not Steve!” Bucky screams and this time the pain in his voice brings tears to Steve's eyes.

This time Steve tries a more firm tone of voice but keeps his words and touch calming as he gently tries to wake Bucky up. “Bucky! I'm right here. I'm fine, baby. Please, wake up.” Steve is trying not to cry watching the pain on Bucky's face.

Suddenly Bucky does wake up with a gasp and sits straight up. Before Steve has a chance to make sure he's okay Bucky is rolling off the bed and grabbing the gun he always has within reach. Steve puts his hands in front of him palms facing Bucky. “Buck, please. Everything is okay. Calm down.” He whispers hoping it's enough. It is. Bucky realizes what's going on and puts his gun back crawling into Steve's arms.

“I'm so sorry, Stevie. Please tell me I didn't hurt you.”

“You didn't, Sweetheart. I'm fine. I'm right here. We're both okay.” Steve reassures Bucky while rubbing his back and rocking slightly as Bucky has now curled up in Steve's lap.

“It was Azzano. It's not the first time I've dreamed of that wretched place. But this is the first time they were torturing you. Before you became Captain America. Before the serum.” Bucky sounded on the verge of tears. “Little tiny sick Stevie.” Bucky sobbed then and it hurt Steve's heart. He gently kissed Bucky's head but kept silent. Bucky continued, “They were torturing you just for the hell of it. Just hurting you. You were trying to be so strong. I could tell you weren't gonna last much longer but you wouldn't stop trying to convince me you could handle it.” Bucky was shaking now. “I think you woke me up just in time. You were about to...” Bucky couldn't finish the thought but Steve knew what he was trying to say. Bucky went silent but Steve could still feel the sobs wracking his best friend's body.

Steve himself started crying silently at the pain he could tell Bucky went through in this particular dream. He knew Bucky had always felt like Steve needed more protection than Steve himself thought he did. Now that Steve was capable of protecting himself he could look back and realize how stupid he had been. He would forever be grateful that Bucky would always have his back. “Bucky, I've never told you how much you mean to me. I've never said 'thank you' for always having my back. Before the war I was a stupid punk who thought I could handle everything by myself. I'm so lucky you were always there to pull me out and help me up. I love you so much. Thank you, for always protecting me.” Steve kissed Bucky's head when he was done talking and felt Bucky relax a little bit. At least the sobbing had stopped now.

Bucky sat up and turned to face Steve wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Steve, I couldn't bear seeing you in pain. Never could. It still hurts even now. I know it doesn't affect you the same anymore but I still hate seeing you in pain.” Bucky reached his flesh hand out and placed it on Steve's cheek. “I love you. More than I can ever let you know.”

The two sat holding hands and staring at each other for a few minutes. Silent words being passed back and forth. Bucky wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon so instead he insisted Steve go back to what he was doing. So Steve found himself back on the couch with Bucky's head in his lap. Now they are both playing with the “adorable pixel creatures” as described by Bucky upon seeing them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes out of his own nightmare to hear Bucky having one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am putting the warning for this at the end. I don't want to spoil it for anyone else but if you have severe triggers I suggest you read the end note. It's not a graphic scene but it does last a touch longer than I usually would write a scene like this. Again, this is just if you have severe triggers. And remember: as cruel as I can be I have yet to write something that does not end happy.

“No!” Steve jolted awake in bed. He had been fighting Bucky in his dream. Steve was about to kill Bucky. He felt his throat constrict a bit then realized he wasn't the one who had screamed.

“Please! Stop!” Bucky yelled. Steve's own nightmare all but forgotten he reached over to try to calm his lover. “Stop!” Bucky continued yelling. “Not again! Stop killing people, dammit!” Steve's heart clenched when he realized Bucky must have been dreaming about the people he killed.

“Bucky, it's okay. You're in Brooklyn. I'm here, it's Steve. You're not hurting anyone.” Steve said in a firm voice. He was attempting to remain calm but the adrenaline from his own nightmare was still running through his veins. He placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder and Bucky shot out of bed so fast Steve almost didn't catch the movement. When he blinked a looked up at Bucky he saw the knife that Bucky was holding. His eyes were open but seemed far away. He still wasn't awake; and Steve had the distinct horrible impression Bucky was getting ready to hurt himself. Steve's heart jumped into his throat and then back down to his toes and dread filled him. His blood ran cold as he tried to think of a way to help Bucky. Desperately he tried again, “Bucky, stop. You're okay. You're in Brooklyn. Please, baby. Everything is going to fine. Baby, please don't do that.”

Suddenly the knife clattered to the ground and Bucky's eyes were clear. He looked a little confused and turned his gaze on Steve who was crying at this point. “Stevie? What did I do?”

Steve tried to hide the sobs, “You almost...” But he couldn't. His voice cracked. “You almost killed yourself right here in front of me.” He managed between sobs. Bucky got back on the bed and tried to make Steve lay down with him. “I can't sleep right now, Buck. I was dreaming about killing you and then you almost killed yourself when I tried to wake you up from your nightmare...”

“Ssh, baby, it's okay. I'm still here. I need you, Stevie.” Steve looked at Bucky's face at that and noticed Bucky was struggling not to cry as well.

“Wanna go to the couch.” Steve managed. Bucky nodded and grabbed their comforter as he stood up to go to the couch with Steve. They both found it hard to get to sleep after particularly rough nightmares and discovered that snuggling on the couch when they both had bad nights was at least not a destructive way to cope. So they spent the rest of the night and most of the next day just snuggling and watching anything funny they could find. They may have dozed off and on. Kissed a few times. Mostly they were content just to hold each other. Just to be reassured that they were both fine and together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember there is a happy ending to this. However, that being said: SPOILER WARNING! Bucky is dreaming of being The Winter Soldier and killing people. When Steve touches his shoulder to try to wake him up, Bucky ends up holding a knife to his own throat. Steve does manage to wake him up before Bucky hurts himself. However, having had similar thoughts of self harm myself I wanted to prepare anyone else.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's nightmare turns into a slight flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than the other ones I have posted. I hope you like it anyways.

Steve was making breakfast after his morning run. Just as he was about to add more pancake mix he heard Bucky scream. Steve turned the stove off as quickly as he could and ran into the bedroom where he found Bucky curled up in a corner of the room. Steve walked over slowly and crouched down to eye level, keeping his muscles ready to leap back if needed. Bucky looked up at Steve but it was like he didn't actually see Steve.

“Buck? You alright, pal?” Steve asked quietly.

“Stevie, 's'at you?” Bucky whispered in a terrified sounding voice. “Why're you here? They'll kill you! Get out of here!” Bucky looked around the room like he was waiting for something – or someone – to jump out at him from somewhere. “They've tried to get me already. Please don't let them get me again.” He looked back at Steve, eyes pleading.

“Shh, you're safe. Can I hold you?” When Steve held out his arms Bucky launched himself into them and Steve sat back to cradle Bucky. “You're safe now. I won't let them hurt you anymore. Not ever again. I got you.” Steve was running his fingers through Bucky's hair. “I got you.”

After about ten minutes Steve was relieved to find that Bucky's breathing had settled. He didn't want to let go of Bucky just yet but wanted to get them more comfortable. “Buck, can we go to the living room? I promise I'll go with you, baby.”

“I'm hungry, Steve.” Bucky grumbled like it hurt him to even admit.

Steve chuckled. “Well it's a good thing I've got some pancakes, eggs and bacon almost ready. I just need to cook a few more then we can eat breakfast and watch something on tv. Okay, babe?” Steve smiled and kissed Bucky's head when Bucky just nodded.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this story (Titled: In The Mood) was originally played by the Glenn Miller Orchestra. I couldn't find a version with these specific lyrics anywhere, but a friend found an A Capella version by The Puppini Sisters and I kinda fell in love. So that's mentioned as well. According to the same friend it was given out to soldiers during WWII, and originally came out before our boys would have been shipped out. So I thought this was the perfect blend of who they were and who they are now. I hope you enjoyed this little bit of trivia and the little story it's coming with.  
> Thanks for reading! <3

Bucky woke up to the sound of whimpering. He knew immediately that it was Steve, so he rolled over to try comforting his boyfriend. Steve was curled up as small as was possible for his giant frame. Bucky's heart broke a little at the sight of Steve shaking and crying. He reached out and put his flesh hand on Steve's shoulder. “Stevie, wake up. Baby, come on. It's alright.” He tried not to be too loud but Steve could sleep like the dead sometimes. “Stevie, honey, it's okay.” He gently shook Steve this time but Steve kept crying. He gave up trying to wake Steve and just lay down and curled his body around his best friend. Instead of whispering he started softly singing Steve's favorite song.

“Who's the lovin' daddy with the beautiful eyes, what a pair o' lips, I'd like to try 'em for size, I'll just tell him, 'Baby won't you swing it with me', hope he tells me maybe, what a wing it will be.” He continued singing the song softly. “So, I said politely 'Darlin' may I intrude', he said 'don't keep me waitin' when I'm in the mood', first I held him lightly and we started to dance, then I held him tightly, what a dreamy romance.” Steve finally stopped crying and was starting to lose the tension in his body. Bucky knew from past experience that once Steve relaxed he was easier to wake up. He kept singing, starting a little further into the song this time. “In the mood, that's what he told me, In the mood, and when he told me, in the mood, my heart was skippin', it didn't take me long to say, 'I'm in the mood now', in the mood for all his kissin', in the mood his crazy lovin', in the mood what I was missin'”

Steve finally woke up. “Buck?”

“Yeah, sweetheart. You okay?”

“Why you holdin' me and singin' my favorite song?”

“You were cryin'. I hate listening to you in pain and I couldn't wake you up. So I started singing and you relaxed.”

“I was dreaming of the night you fell.” Steve whispered.

Bucky tightened his arms around Steve a little and whispered, “I'm right here, honey, I ain't goin' nowhere.” Bucky pressed a kiss to the back of Steve's head.

“I know. And, uh, thanks. The song, it changed my dream. Suddenly instead of on the train, we were in a dance hall. A live band was playing but it was just you and me on the dance floor. You were holdin' me tight and just swaying back and forth. Nothing fancy. Just letting me know you loved me.” Steve turned his head a bit and asked suddenly, “Can we dance right now?”

Bucky chuckled but let go of Steve who reached for his phone. “Wait, Steve. I don't need music. I memorized the song. I didn't want to sing the jazzy version. I found one by an a Capella group, The Puppini Sisters, you'd like it. But I don't need to listen to it.” Bucky looked down at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck. “Unless you want the music. That's fine too.”

“No, Buck. I don't need it.” Steve said softly. “You really memorized the whole song just so you could sing it to me?”

Bucky looked up and noticed the tears in Steve's eyes. He walked over and wrapped his arms around the love of his life and whispered gently, “Anything for you, Doll.”


End file.
